I like to read. I need to poop. Fortunately, it takes me a long time to poop.

Recently I read George Orwell’s 1984 while sitting on the toilet. I have many books in my bathroom. About 4,500 at last count. I get constipated, and the time just flies by with a good book. That’s why I turned my library into a bathroom. Last week I read a non-fiction book about a race of reptilian aliens that control the planet. It was so crazy I almost thought I was going to crap my pants, but it turned out I wasn’t wearing any. And I was sitting on the toilet. So it actually worked out very nice. Sometimes it only takes a good magazine. Sometimes I have to read The Scarlet Letter. Something about that book makes we want to poop. And don’t even mention The Catcher In The Rye. I just can’t imagine how bored I would get if I didn’t have a love for reading.

I’m also a huge Star Wars fan

You could call me a StormPooper. But if I didin’t have books OR Star Wars, I would go crazy. There would have to be a way I could speed up the process. I know how I could do it. I am going to order some free samples of Benefiber Drink Mix. I could drink one if I’m late for javelin-throwing class.

Did I mention I Love Panda Bears?!?!?!

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