I wanted to feel like a kid again so I ordered a free Juicy Juice Sippy cup. You know we figured after drinking out of beer glasses, and water bottles, we just feel old. Now we are using our juicy juice sippy cup to drink our beer, our wine, and even, vodka Martinis. […]

OOOOOHHHHHH YEAAAAHHHHH!!! That was soooooooo extreme!!!! I just strapped myself to a G-12 Hell-Rocket and shot myself into the center of Baghdad. I then landed on my feet and took out 40 insurgents with my bare hands. HELL YEAH!
I am an entertainer for the troops. They need the kind of high level intensity bad-assness that I can […]

I live in Las Vegas, where it is really dry all the time. This place repels water. When it rains it automatically floods, then the water will vanish within the hour. I drink water like I just walked 40 miles through the desert. I never drank water this much before I came here, so it must be […]

I like to read. I need to poop. Fortunately, it takes me a long time to poop.
Recently I read George Orwell’s 1984 while sitting on the toilet. I have many books in my bathroom. About 4,500 at last count. I get constipated, and the time just flies by with a good book. That’s why I […]

July 18, 2008
TO: Mr. Peristalsis
CEO Sample A Day Dot Com
FROM: Phil McCrackin
Old Man, Retired Cheese Eater
RE: Benefiber
I wish to thank the benevolent benefactors who bequeathed me with Benefiber. My misery knew no bounds. I spent my days hunched over—my poor rectum was like a sack of nails. Then, I received my free Benefiber from Sample […]